December 18, 2011

Eleven Things I Don't #Unhate

Since a lot of people list ten things these days, I'm just gonna go with eleven since I don't like it when I start sounding like everyone else.There are some things that do make me uncomfortable for sure.

1.  Shaking Hands makes me really uncomfortable. Irrespective of the gender of the person I'm shaking hands with, they always have softer hands than me. It sucks. Moreover I have small blisters in my hands coz of my scooter handles and I am constantly trying to make them pointed by pulling them up n poke my cheeks with them because it feels like sharp pencil poking that I used to do when I was in school. People never even lie to me and just say " Oh! your hands are really soft." It makes me sad. :(

2.  Now football as I always say might be a good game but I'm just not interested. I would also request all the girls out there to please stop pretending that they like football coz everyone knows that you just like the players and not the game. The only one time I did like football was when I made two packs of popcorn n ate it all. The best part of the game was well of course, popcorn.

3. There was a time when I used to like dogs. Even when one bit my brother I still liked them. I also used to pet them. The ones who were really small or slow or old or the ones that did not bark. But coming to Bangalore made me hate dogs so much so that I want to shoot every one of 'em. Even the cute ones. Firstly because they bark their brains (if they have one) out at night. Secondly the other day a stray dog entered our house and pooped in front of our door. Had to throw away almost three big buckets of water  to clean it up. So I hate them I hate them I hate them. Bloop.

4. I don't have any problems with people boozing, I really don't. What I loathe is what happens after boozing. Perhaps some chemical reaction happens in my brain when I see drunk people doing stupid things and I start scolding them. One of my friends named Woh Ladki was constantly scolded and put to sleep by Richa whenever she slept over at her house after a party (Can't really pull off the third person thing that well. Can I?)

5. Can't Bargain :( I have such a poor record at that. Wonder where the girl genes go away when I shop. May be coz I don't do it that much I don't have the skill in handy. But I sure must have lost a fortune not bargaining. I guess the shopkeepers can see it on my face.

6. "Uttarakhand? Where is it? In Jharkhand?" People have said this to me. Can you beat that? Seriously people, learn some geography. It is acceptable if you do not know how many a states are there in United States of Amerikaah but at least  know your country. Here, a little fodder for your empty brains. Don't forget! You still have Google Power in India!

7. Yes I love chocolates. No I dont like chocolate ice creams Period!

8. TV is dumb. The other day I just switched channels to see how Indian entertainment was like these days. In one of the channels, there was this stuff going on wherein a guy (who was supposedly a vampire) was telling his girl how his vampire Godfather had let him go from the vampire world to become a human. And just like that it went into a flashback where the vampire godfather turned out to be a XXXXXXL size wind cheater wearing, electronically modulated voice bearing, face hiding, sitting on a couch in dark his throat clearing thing/man/ vampire whatever.. It was beyond my comprehension. As I held back the pukish feeling, I turned to another channel where Andrew Symonds was rehearsing "Keetney aadmee they" wearing Gabbar Singh clothes. I shuddered in horror and switched back to my 1 TB baby (yes I have it B-) ). Then I watched Scrubs. Nth time. Felt happy. My world had been restored back to normal again.

9. Sorry dudes. Can never eat that. Never. No offense but it just tastes like rubber. Where's the fun?

10. This one is for those who go to Amrikka for a week and return with an accent. Khi khi khi. Guess what? We know its fake. Believe me even if you stay there for 10000 years, you can't just change your accent dude. Remember all those crazy people from outside who come to India and settle here? Even when they learn Hindi and what not they still carry their accent. Salute to you fakers! Bwaaah!!!

11. Clothes O Ye' Clothes! Why don't you get stacked all by yourself after you are all washed up? Why do we have to fold ya? Be a Man!